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Eileen Harrison

I wondered how mine would get by in retirement - I was naive enough to think he MIGHT do things with me but other than sitting in the sun on holiday there aren't many things we both like doing. He still gets up at stupid o'clock (by my standards at least) but won't extend that in the winter to coming skiing with me (the only thing that makes the hour even tenable never mind acceptable). He sits for hours playing cards on the computer - which was his break between work episodes before.

We live in northern Italy (in what was our holiday flat and he did ski then at the bottom of a ski run) but we found someone in Innsbruck, an hour and a half away, who works in a medical research field but not really OH's. He wanted to start some work using the technology that OH has used most of his working life - and it was arranged that he'd do an average of 2 days a week. Not necessarily there - an experiment takes a long time to evaluate, that can be done at home. That's paid, not a lot, but it pays for holidays. He does other consultancy, some paid, some not (refereeing scientific papers).

It will be 3 years this summer since we moved here - and he has a review paper to write. He's just announced he isn't sure he can be bothered (it will be paid, a tiny bit given the hours it will take). He's certainly much more pleasant to live with now (btw, we've been together 42, married 39 years).

It may not take decades...

Amy in StL

I think its gender biased because women already have so much going on; they're glad to have time to do it all. I'm just basing that on familial experience.


I've got to say that I have the ideal situation. My husband still works from his home office and makes good money; he is home almost all the time, just going on the occasional business trip. He is usually quiet and does not get on my nerves, but he is not boring.
Yesterday he fixed the solar hot water system. It cost him an hour's work and a $1.50 part. This saved us god knows how much money. Then today he mowed the entire lawn in both the front and the back yards.
For my part, I love being totally retired, because I don't have to deal with obnoxious students or co-workers any more!!!


Eileen Harrison (Hi!) - Thank you for commenting, it was really helpful. It made me realize that his being at home isn't the same as his being with me. I still need to occupy my time in an interesting way and if he comes along, good for him, if he doesn't, his loss.
Amy in StL - You know, that's true. I don't want to take up my retirement cooking and cleaning. Of course, Gary doesn't want to do that either.
Hattie - I think Gary will end up being productive, he just won't produce anything I want or need. He won't be mowing the yard (he always hated to do that). He goes back and forth on consulting.

Eileen Harrison

I don't think it matters what SORT of productive nor does it matter what YOU do. Somewhere you will touch along the way. Hattie's sounds better because he's making good money AND is gifted practically! TBH, until the latest crisis we were both well paid but the companies who were paying him (and me)are obviously busy avoiding collapse and we're non-essentials. OTOH - no lawn to mow :-)The income was never essential - just nice!

But overall it is great - and as Hattie says, there's a minimum of nasty interactions with unwanted others. There are scary moments when one thinks something and the other says it. Or is that just me taking a long time to be that close to my OH?


Eileen Harrison - What you said made me realize my worst fear: what if he has no work to go to and he uses something else to avoid me? What if we don't touch along the way? It's just a fear, I don't think it'll happen. Oh, and when Gary and I think things in synch we now pantomime electrical transmissions going between our brains, accompanied by a "zzt zzt" sound.

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