State of My Evening

Driving home late from work, I dreaded walking in again to an empty house. I started thinking about low-maintenance pets. Lizards? Would a lizard greet me when I came in? What about a bird? A parrot!

Then I began to wonder what phrases a parrot would pick up. Obviously, "Hon, can you get me an ice cream bar?" followed by "If you're going into the kitchen can you get me a soda?" Squawk!

Surprisingly, Gary was there to greet me. He was watching the breaking news on CNN about the manhunt for Dorner. At one point he yelled "TUNNEL!"

"What's that, hon?"

"They say he's holed up in a cabin and he's trapped. What about TUNNELS! CHECK FOR TUNNELS!" he yelled at the police through our magic shortwave TV screen that can communicate with sports broadcasters and the California police.

Then, the cabin owner's son called to talk to Anderson Cooper and revealed there was a basement in the cabin. A dirt basement?

"TUNNELS!" we yelled in unison.

There are five cabins in the area? "TUUUUUNNNNNELS!"

Cabin's on fire? TUNNELS!

Eventually Gary tired of yelling at the TV, and went for a nap instead of watching the State of the Union. I was a little glad, because he always pauses the TiVo to yell and Twitter gets ahead of me. Since I was synced with Twitter I saw the CNN's Breaking News announcement that Dorner's body was found inside the burned-out cabin.

Of course, later, when the LAPD sheriff's department announced, "No, we didn't find a body inside, w don't know where you got that idea," I yelled "TUNNELS!" and woke Gary up.

So, I've talked myself out of the parrot idea. Squawk! Hon, get me a soda! TUNNELS!

Comments

[Murphy Jacobs]

And, just so you know, birds are NOT low maintenance pets. Don't let anyone fool you about that.

Neither are fancy goldfish low maintenance (although they are easier than dogs) because it takes a while to get the tank environment balanced. Of course, once you've got it right, they are lovely and I'm very attached to mine.

The bird, however, I am conflicted about. Despite the work, I really prefer my cats and my dog.

Of course, what will happen now is you will be gradually heal from losing Mac and be blithely walking around minding your own damn business and either someone will thrust a puppy into your face and you will lose your mind, or you will find some poor helpless and possibly injured critter and feel horrible guilt if you don't help (its little voice and big eyes will haunt you).

So be careful! You might fall in love again!