Gary says I have developed a new type of snore. Not the restful "sawing wood" snore he can fall asleep to, but a syncopated snorffling noise that keeps him awake. He needs his sleep. To that end, he has sealed my mouth shut with a Band-Aid.
His mouth is taped shut too, but that's because the air hits his teeth and it hurts him. The pain keeps him awake, and then there's my snorffling noise on top of that, and he's a wreck.
So we were both in bed with our mouths taped up (kinky) and the dog started to noisily lick his paws. I wanted to say, "Mac, stop that or Dad will put a Band-Aid over your mouth," but I was taped up. You know the laugh that comes out when you have to suppress a funny thing in your head? The one that hits you at funerals and business meetings? I shook with laughter for five minutes. If I could have said it aloud I wouldn't have even smirked.
Eventually the dog stopped licking his paw, Gary fell asleep, and the dog fell asleep. And snored. And then snorffled. Gary woke up and poked me in the back. This was too much. I pulled off the Band-Aid.
"It's not me, it's the dog. He's the one making the noise."
Gary said, "MMMFFmmf mmf mmmmmf."
"Listen. It's the dog."
"MMMMFFMMF MMMMMFF MFF."
So now I've been exiled to sleep in the guest room.