Gary's Traitorous Pants, 2012

Gary called me from the Chinese Food place, but immediately began talking to the cashier. Thus, the conversation went like this:

Me: Hi hon.

Gary: (to cashier) I had the garlic chicken, special fried rice, and moo shu pork.

Me; Chinese! For my birthday! Thank you, hon.

Me: Hon?

Me: HEY.

Gary: What? I wasn't listening.

Me: Chinese!

Gary: How did you know?

Me: I heard you on the phone.

(This is why I assumed his phone had gone rogue and butt-dialed me. He didn't seem aware I was on the phone, but he insists he deliberately called.)

Gary. Okay, well, see you soon.

Then he evidently put the phone in his pocket without hanging up.

Then we had about three minutes of deja vu, just like all the other butt-dials from Gary: Woosh woosh as Gary walks to the car, Ding Ding as he gets in, me screaming GARRYYYY GAAAARY.

This time, though, I knew he was close to home, so I decided to listen to whatever he had on the radio. He never turned on the radio. Instead, he began having one half of an fairly animated conversation.

Gary insisted, "I can guarantee them backup stability with one hundred percent confidence if they'll just do that."

Then a long pause.

"Oh, your father worked for the government? How did they deal with that?"

Another long pause.

"Well, a three-hundred MILLION dollar system, you would think that would be important. Three! Hundred! Million! Dollars!"

I started to wonder if he was having a work conversation on the Blackberry and somehow the wires were crossed. But, I'd never heard the start of a conversation. I wondered if a mime was in the car.

He kept talking about work systems and backups until I heard him signal a turn, then the garage door went up and I realized he was alone and not on his phone.

And I laughed and laughed. I admit, sometimes I will be in the car alone, fantasizing about whoever has enchanted me lately, and I will think of something particularly witty and I say it aloud. I'm always surprised when the words made it out of fantasy and into reality. Then, I thank my stars no one else was in the car. Or, you know, on the phone.

I could see all the rest being just Gary working things out loud about his job, but where on earth did "Oh, your father works for the government?" come in? Where was he in his head? Wearing a tuxedo at a diplomatic ball? He claims to not remember saying that.

I'm going to let that lie. Because frankly, if you're in an imaginary tuxedo flirting with Angelina Jolie and all you've got is "I can guarantee them backup stability," then yes, I think I'm okay with that.

Comments

[Zayrina]

Heeheeheeheehee.....

[Tami]

My favorite accidental call was when my sister purse-dialed me from her car. She was singing along at the top of her lungs to Nickelback:

This is HOW you REMIND ME of WHAT I REALLY AM
THIS IS HOW you REMIND ME!

(snort)

[TheQueen]

Zayrina - He's not embarrassed at all.
Tami - Worse: I did that to a person at work. I was singing along to Nellie McKay.