I was in the bathroom at work. Like many of us, I am a First Stall Girl. No mincing around with studies on what is the least germy stall (middle). I go in the first stall I see. If someone's in the first stall I leave a buffer stall, as you do, and go there.
So I was in the first stall, and someone else was doing a Quiet Thing three stalls down. I began doing a Quiet Thing as well, because I'd had oatmeal for breakfast.
Two women walked and one sarcastically said, "Oh, it smells lovely in here."
This has happened to me before.
I didn't have the nerve to pipe up with an equally sarcastic "Sorry! Usually my stool smells like lemon shortbread cookies" because 1) I was at work and 2) I couldn't see who these women were, they might have been big revenue generators for TeddyJ and you don't slight those people and 3) there was someone else doing a Quiet Thing and that might make her feel as if I was shuttling the blame to her.
Everyone else left before I did, so I didn't even get a chance to give the dainty woman the snake eye. Instead I went and complained to friends, which sparked a debate:
RESOLVED: Given that the woman was rude to say anything before checking that all the stalls were empty, would it have been rude to say the same thing to her friend in an empty bathroom? Some say no.
I say, for God's sake it's a bathroom. Commenting on the smell of a bathroom is like going to a Knights of Columbus Hall and complaining there are so many drunks there.
Also, commenting on smells in a bathroom is like commenting on sounds in a bathroom, it is not done, even if no one is there. (Unless you are on your blog the next day.)
This leaves me with one more question: how do I avoid this in the future?
a) Gary suggested lighting a match, but only because his mom discovered that (despite my "boldness") I'm afraid of paper matches. (You're only protected from fire by one inch of a flammable substance. Crazy.)
b) He also suggested that I, like him, flush continuously to "create a vacuum effect."
c) I thought I might just become a Last Stall Girl, or
d) Buy some Kobayashi Powerful One Drop. Tagline: "eliminate unwanted odors, like a ninja, silent, powerful, leaving no trace."