The lunch crowd included two new people yesterday. By "new people" I mean a) people unfamiliar with our coarse lunch conversation and b) people who were actually new to being people - they were both in their early 20's. (I initially wrote "We had two new people for lunch yesterday" until I realized that might be confusing. I had a hot dog for lunch yesterday.)
The lunch conversation began elegantly enough, then turned to my dog and all our dogs and the sentience of dogs and how they know more than they let on. I began to tell the story of how I get dressed and my dog knows I'll be leaving the house and he'll be alone.
I'd just started, and since we were all female I said, "He usually gets sad as soon as I pull on my brassiere."
"I'm sorry?" said Girl 1.
"I put on my brassiere and he gets sad."
"You put on ... what?"
I just looked at her.
Girl 2 said, "Yeah. What's that?"
I looked at their boobs. Girl 1 had enough boobage to require support. I must have been talking too fast.
I said, slooowly, "Brrraaaasss -"
"Oh! BRA!" Girls 1 and 2 looked at each other like they'd cracked the Enigma code. "Of course, bra!"
Girl 2 said, "I've never hear it called that."
"Yeah, that sounded familiar. I knew 'brassiere' was something I should know, I just didn't know what it was," said Girl 1.
In answer to my pained look, Girl 2 said, "I mean, I know what a bra is. I wear a bra. Some of the time. Sometimes I don't really need it though, like if my shirt isn't clingy, then -"
"Oh shut up," all the older women said.
So I sighed and continued, "He usually gets sad as soon as I pull on my foundation garment."
I didn't pay much attention to Roomie 1's boobage, but after all, she did move in with three Sterlite boxes containing nothing but expensive looking bras (I helped her move in). I would see her in the morning and since she was tiny thin Chinese girl, had no boobs. Then she would go get dressed and was suddenly at least a B cup.
I always considered falsies a form of false (ha) advertising. And if the relationship move along, sooner or later, the truth would be known.
Posted by: Becs | July 07, 2012 at 04:14 PM
My headlights would never pass a Warrant of Fitness test: since having a lump removed years ago, one is small and pert and forward-looking and the other, er, isn't. I've recently taken to using boostage to even them up, but I already know it's a short-term thing - I'll have stopped bothering long before the elastic loses its snap.
Posted by: Big Dot | July 07, 2012 at 09:04 PM
Similar to when my kid's JK teacher was feeling old because a young teacher professed not to know what a go-go girl was, this makes me think; yeah, sometimes they don't know stuff because they're young. But sometimes it's just because they're DUMB.
Posted by: allison | July 08, 2012 at 02:19 PM
Becs - I remember being puzzled by a photo of my Mom when she was in college. "What's wrong with your shirt? It's all pointy." She confessed there was a box of Kleenex in there.
Big Dot - I know my grandmother stopped bothering as soon as she retired to the country and never recieved visitors again. I can see my path leading there.
Allison - Yeah. Maybe not dumb, just ... sheltered? Never talked to their mothers?
Posted by: TheQueen | July 08, 2012 at 10:22 PM
Never drove down a bad part of town?
Posted by: Becs | July 09, 2012 at 04:38 AM
...like the phrase "foundation garment" wouldn't be just as confusing to someone that hadn't learned the full word "brassiere".
Every time I see the word spelled out, I think of brasseries. It just happens.
I totally understand Becs' roommate putting on the fake. Most clothes look really weird if you have nothing whatsoever poking out in the front. It could make a girl self-conscious.
Posted by: Tami | July 09, 2012 at 09:53 AM
Hey, I like to use the phrase foundation garment when I'm reminding one of my friends that a proper bra makes a difference in how you look in an outfit. It's also less gross than a loose t-shirt and no bra now that we're in our 40s.
Posted by: Amy in StL | July 09, 2012 at 01:23 PM
Becs- I can never identify hookers or toupees.
Tami - Brasseries! Yes! Moi aussi!
Amy inStL - I wonder how many months of bralessness it would take before the channels in my shoulders smooth out.
Posted by: TheQueen | July 09, 2012 at 11:54 PM
I'd guess that the channels in your shoulders would smooth out somewhere around navel level. Maybe.
Posted by: Tami | July 10, 2012 at 02:27 PM
Tami - sad but true. Though, they actually point less than in my youth. The fat has filled them out.
Posted by: TheQueen | July 10, 2012 at 10:24 PM