I am going to disappoint you. I know why you're here. Escapism. I am the 21st century screwball comedy, the inept and ridiculous well-to-do.
As I say, I am about to disappoint.
You know how I've been getting that great deal on my MS medication? My MS medication which costs - and again I must say, this is not a typo - $4,000 (four thousand dollars) a month? For which I pay $0 (zero dollars) a month?
When I renewed my prescription, the insurance company rejected my submission for financial aid.
YOU MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY FOR FINANCIAL AID
All caps, bold letters.
No, wait, let me see what they actually said.
OVER INCOME GUIDELINES
I say, good for you, massive drug corporation, you have FOUND ME OUT. I have been scamming you like a welfare queen. I should not be getting financial aid.
That does make total sense to me, and I'm even a Democrat.
But somehow I think a little of this is on the drug company for charging four thousand dollars a month. The questionnaire asked our monthly gross income, and since it was, yes, envy me, over four thousand dollars, I was denied aid.
I do pay for insurance, but my insurance company evidently just keeps laughing at that 4K total. "Per year? What? Per month? Ha! Ahahhaa." So, the 4K will all be on us. (I say us, because I don't bring home 4K a month. Damn husband, kicking me up into the upper middle classes.)
So, here are plans B C and D. (And E and F.) Update: and G!
Plan B: Call the company, which is in Germany, and see if they know the difference between Gross and Net. They asked about our Gross Income per Month. Perhaps they meant net. Net is sick, since Gary is socking it away for retirement.
Plan C: Negotiate a lower price. Like, say $1K a month. I suppose I should counter their 4K with 20 bucks, and then work up to 1K.
Plan D: Take drugs every other day. I keep having tests that show that I have zero lymphocytes, but the neutrophils have stepped up.
Plan E: Go without drugs. Like a schizophrenic, I feel so well from the drugs that I think, "I don't need drugs!" Then the voices tell me to feed Gary to the groundhog in small tasty bits. I do feel awfully well, though. I know I'm not.
Plan F: The last time I was at the neurologist, he mentioned there might be an official long term clinical trial pending, which I can hope would again pay for the drugs in exchange for my time. Spartacus rises again!
UPDATE: Plan G: I just looked it up and found there are documents with the words "United Healthcare" and "Gilenya " and "Formulary" in the same document. This must be new as of the new year.
Damn! Been so long since I've had a money worry. Why didn't I sock away $48K for a rainy day?