I'll be delicate while I tell you about my sortie to pick up a replacement vibrator. After the jump.
I walked into the Naughty Bits Store like I owned it. Evidently I don't own it. There were other people there! At MY Naughty Bits Store! I navigated past them to find the vibrating metal eggs.
One man looking at the movies wouldn't make way, so I had to say "excuse me." I made actual eye contact with the divorcee modelling the clear platform heels for her friends. I wondered what was up with the teenage girl sitting cross-legged, sorting sadly through a pile of DVDs.
I couldn't find my beloved TLC model, but a vibrating silver egg is a vibrating silver egg. And of course I couldn't decide, so I found myself purchasing two - one for $9.99 and one for $29.99. Because I AM SCIENCE GIRL and there will be a vibrator vs vibrator showdown. A ... vibe-off? Climax-off? Getting off-off?
The cashier said she wanted to test them before they left the store, and I thought, yes, good plan, I don't want a defective one. She put some batteries in the first one, placed the egg in my palm, and switched it on. And ... right before she switched it on, everyone in the store decided to gather in line behind me.
So, I stood there with the egg vibrating in my palm while she waited for me to say something, like a vibrator sommelier. What should I say? It has a good nose? Eventually, I came up with "That'll do."
I put my hand out for the second one too, but that one was tricky - it had a variable speed dial, so it went off while it was resting on the top of the glass display case. It was like an out-of-control pair of chattery teeth. Made of metal. Shaped like a vibrator. In a sex store. Surrounded by people. Some of them perverts.
I guffawed, of course, while the cashier chased it down, then once again had me test it in my palm. "It's okay, really, it works, I'm sure."
So of course HE'S my favorite now.