I ate breakfast in Louisville at the hotel. I always judge a hotel in part by its Eggs Benedict. This hotel restaraunt (named "Proof") advertised a variation:
"Proof Benedict - Grit cakes, poached egg, country ham"
Country ham? Now, if they'd said "Virginia Ham," I would've known what to expect, but I suppose a state all possesive about "Kentucky" bourbon can't throw stones. Or hams. Here was my mistake: after I waved dismissively at my arugla salad ("Why is this vegetation in my breakfast?") and picked it off my egg ("Why is this weed in my egg?"), I ate a bite and found it had a vinegar-and-vinegar dressing, or else it was pickled arugula. So to wash that taste out of my mouth I had a big bite of Eggs Benedict, which was about 80% "country ham." Or "Salt" as we call it in Saint Louis. Eggs NaCl.
It took me so long to get past chewing it that Gary took a photo:
(Seemingly, it took so long I also matured into my maiden Aunt Carleen.)
I washed it all down with a big swig of orange juice ...
... and an hour later ....
... there was a dangerous chemical reaction between the orange juice (acid) and ham (NaCl) and Pickled Weeds (vinegar, aka more acid) that I had to find a bathroom.
I ran to the downstairs bathroom. If you recall, the upstairs bathroom at 21c has eyeball images embedded in the mirror, so many people peek in. I did not want to poo in a tourist trap. I needed some privacy.
In the downstairs bathroom, many people peek in, turn around and say, "No eyeballs." People popped in three times. They said, "No eyeballs," "Neh," and "Nothing," when what they would have said at any other venue was "MY GOD WHAT AN AWFUL SMELL IN THIS BATHROOM JESUS WHAT IS THAT" because my usual lemon-shortbread cookie poop smell was overwhelmed by the smell of the country ("Smoking is not legally mandated for making country ham, and they are not fully cooked") ham.
So, no poo has ever required a courtesy flush more than this one. But they were high-tech hands-free toilets. The kind that go off when you stand up and walk away. Not an option, at this time, thank you. I tried bending way forward (useless) and pushing my back into the wall (useless) and groping backward blind for the magic button we have in the hands-free toilets at work. None worked. Eventually I cleaned up, stood up, turned around and kicked that hidden button before it had a chance to detect my motion.
They need odor-detector toilets, not motion-detector toilets.