How dare you ignore my demanding bark? Attend to me!
This is Mac the dog.
Did she even bother to tell you I had surgery? The doctor had to remove a foot boil. And afterward I DIDN'T FEEL WELL AND DIDN'T EAT FOR A WEEK.
She didn't tell you, did she? Because she and the male have been sick and making a big production of it. They start barking, and then making gurgling hacking sounds and yodelling up snot and talking about lew-gees, whatever that is.
Finally - hey - are you listening to me? I can pee for attention too. I don't have to bark. Okay! Finally they stopped hacking long enough to notice I wasn't eating my rice topped by Bob Evans hand shredded turkey. The female read some article on hypoglycemic dogs and I got some honey roast nuts and Ted Drewes strawberry frozen custard.
That got old the next day, so then the male came back from the store with ham salad , chicken-pecan salad, and meatloaf.
"Yum!" the bitch said.
"No!" the male shrieked, "These are for the dog!"
I sniffed all of those things, but they just didn't speak to me. Then he started with the filet-mignon dog treats, rolled honey chicken treats, Pupperoni. The Milk-Bone treats I remembered from my puppy days didn't even appeal to me.
THEN he pulled out this can of stuff. I sniffed it in the air and started lapping the plate while it was still empty. The food bounced off my head and then I gobbled it down. It was the best stuff ever. It was something called dog food. It comes in a can.
Canned Dog Food.
Food! Made for DOGS! Fuck me, that is genius.