About fifteen years ago I was having a conversation with my doctor about my weekly bladder infection, and the conversation turned into this:
"And when was the last time you made love to your husband?" he asked.
"Um ... we had sex two nights ago."
"And did you drink water before and after you made love?"
"I had some water before we had sex, I believe."
And because I was young and modest, I said "OH! Yes, we made love," instead of "No, I fucked him till his eyes rolled back in his head" which is what I would have said today because, Doctor, maybe you believe two rutting rhinoceroses can make gentle tender love but I disagree.
So it's time for a poll, and again your anonymity is assured. I'm trying to see if "make love" is an appropriate synonym for "have sex."
I'm not counting foreplay. That can be gentle and tender and loving. But to get the job done, you need to get passionate in ways that aren't what I would call tender, unless perhaps there is a weekly bladder infection involved. I'm not saying violent, I'm not saying painful, I'm just saying the required enthusiasm precludes what I picture "making love" to be.
Then I started thinking, what would that even look like? A "loving" reproductive act would be quiet. And slow. And lots of eye contact. And possibly a nap during, because I'm sorry, that just doesn't work. I think humans have some boom-chika-wow-wow innate tempo.
What about movies? You'd think I'd have seen an R rated movie with some love-making. The best I could think of was "Out of Africa" with Robert Redford and Meryl Streep - and yes, he tells her not to move. "Don't move." "But I want to move." "Don't move." Robert would have me looking deep into his eyes with a questioning "what type of freak are you?" gaze.
Okay, so do you call what you do making love? And is it?