I was in a photo shoot for work last week. I was playing a plump little dumpling of a middle-aged woman. I've worked to perfect this role for years, putting on weight, keeping it on just in case I am asked to play the part of a middle-aged female TeddyJ client. And then, I was! Forty-second Street!
So a few hours before the shoot, I was at a department meeting, and looked down the row of faces to see how many other faces I had beaten out for the role of middle-aged dumpling. The first thing I noticed was that of the nine other people at the conference table, eight of them had a weak chin, no chin, a sloping chin, or a double or even a triple chin like mine:
(I could play ET as well.)
Only one person had a well-defined chin at that table: the twenty-five year old. Over thirty-five, we all had chin issues. As it was a dull meeting, I brought that up. Immediately, all the men began stroking their chins and saying "I don't have a double chin! I have what is called a full face," and "Speak for yourself. I have a good jawline."
Later I surreptitiously checked those men in profile and I was right, plenty of extra chinnage. "Why have I never recieved solace from this before?" I thought, and then I realized, they all have goatees. When you look at these men straight on, you see the goatee, not the chin.
So I call SHENANIGANS on this Goatee BS! Really, check out the profile of the next Goatee - ee you see. It is an unfair advantage men have. How many strong-jawed men have you seen with a goatee?
Clearly I need to adopt a goatee.
I think it suits me. AND it hides my chinny chin chins. AND, no more worrying about those stray chin hairs I've been finding.
Of course, if I'm going to be maintaining a goatee, I might as well break my ban on false eyelashes. Okay. I'm being serious here. I really did buy these last weekend.
Shut up. Compare me with a goatee to me with a goatee and flirty Professional eyelashes!
It's subtle! Really, flip back and forth between the two and you'll see what I'm saying. Well, you'll see anyway when I test it out this weekend.
See? You don't even notice the triple chin now!
UPDATE: I just added" goattle" to www.urbandictionary.com. Let's see if it gets approved.