Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war, because I am doing battle here in the House of S_________.
As part of my strategy, I haven't officially declared war. Gary has no idea tensions have escalated to this point.
It's just that I went in to the bathroom, to urinate, to relieve my bladder, if you will, and was forced instead to whirl about and roar with fury when I saw the empty toilet paper roll.
I believe I said, "Damnit! Gary! Arrrrgh!" as I trotted to the other bathroom. I saw the empty toilet paper roll in that bathroom as well. "Arrrgrgrggrgrhhh! Gary!"
"You'll have to go down to the basement," Gary yelled. The basement is where we stored the stockpile of toilet paper and paper towels that came from Mom's house. (Like an inheritance, it was.)
He added, "There's no toilet paper in the linen closet, either," as I was desperately rummaging through the linen closet.
"Gary, if you knew there was no toilet paper, you should have replaced it! Arrrgggh!"
Then I spotted the box of Kleenex Mom kept stored here for visits (because we use hankies here, that is the S_______ way). My Secret Weapon, I decided. I did not go to the basement. I am NOT going to the basement. I marched into the bathroom, pissed, and wiped with Mom's Kleenex and then I HID it, like a WMD should be hidden.
Sure, he thinks he's all manly and strong, because I can't just waggle my urethra and shake any drips out. We shall just see. With the hidden weapon, I think my bladder will hold out longer than his colon.