Gary is never more entertaining than when his imaginary dramas are interrupted by real-life dramas. We were driving to Mom's today, and he was ranting about something while waiting for a green light. (But not a real green light, that's cruel ... I am sorry. This BNL cruise is in two weeks. It's just going to get worse after that.)
The light turned green, the car in front of us crossed, and A MANIAC WHIZZED through his red light and almost killed us. Since it was New Year's Day I can safely assume he was a drunken maniac.
After that, Gary was on high alert while we visited with parents. On the way home, Gary was panicking that the car seat was broken, because he couldn't adjust it.
"Damn crazy driver!" he roared, "I bet that sudden stop I had to make ruined the car seat!"
"No, the box of tangerines just got wedged behind the seat."
"Fix it! Fix it!!" Gary shrieked like a girl.
"Shhh, I'm fixing it." I murmured. Sarcastically.
"Turn left." the GPS system calmly advised.
"Be quiet!" Gary yelled at the new whipping bitch, the Snobby English Voice of the GPS. (He also has a new game called Mess with GPS. He sets a destination, then he makes up his own path so he can time himself yelling "Bite me!" just before it has to hush up and set a new route.)
Still, he turned left and continued down a fairly populated road by our house, when again he slammed on the brakes and I looked up to see a deer in the headlights, wearing not the classic deer in the headlights look but a "What are you people doing on my road?" look. Then she bounded off. Just as I thought, "I wish I'd thought to get out my camera," another deer ambled into the middle of the road.
"Two deer?" Gary screamed. "This is unheard of!" as that deer bounded off.
I really should have gotten my camera, I thought, as I SWEAR TO YOU another deer walked into the middle of the road as if it was a deer fashion show.
"Three! Three deer!" Gary screamed even louder than before.
I'm not getting out my camera, I thought, that must be it. As ANOTHER damn deer swaggered into the headlights, flipped her hair, paused, cocked her head and bounded off.
"FOUR FREAKING DEER! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Gary screamed. "HOW MANY ARE THERE?"
I'd gotten wise by now. I saw one deer remaining on the lawn to our right.
"Just one more deer" I said. Just one more contestant on America's Top Deer.
"GOOOO!! GO DEER!!" (honk honk) "GO ON! GO ACROSS!"
The deer looked at our car as if to say, "No, you go. I'll cross after you."
"GO YOU STUPID DEER SOMEONE IS GOING TO CRASH INTO US AND KILL US! (hooonnnk)"
The deer said, "No really, you've been so patient. You go on."
"AAAUUGHHH WE ARE ALL GOING TO DDDIIIIIIEEEEE!"
The deer gave a little deer shrug, sighed, "Well, if you insist" and ambled across the road.
So, I know there is some type of tradition involved with New year's Day and the first stranger who crosses your path. Off to Wikipedia to see what it means if your First Footing is Five Deer.